Every New Year's Eve, I make resolutions, but this practice feels a bit stale and not particularly useful (even if I manage to remember my resolution by February, I don't think I ever go through with it, and if I do, it's purely accidental). I want to do something meaningful to usher in the new year that I can carry with me throughout 2023, but I am not sure where to start and could use some guidance.

Dear Friend,

Most people have a complicated relationship with new year’s resolutions. When it comes to making resolutions that stick, it is important to look at your motives and intentions. 

Focus on want instead of should

Are you basing your decisions on internal or external motivators? In other words, are you focused on things you want to change or things you should change? In my experience, any situation that starts with a “should” is an emotional minefield that is more likely to lead to damage than satisfaction. The reality is, if you really want to do something, you’ll do it. But you have to be ready.

What is really important?

To make things more meaningful, start by taking stock of what’s really important. Use that information to help you figure out what you really want. Next, explore the why behind your want. Having a solid reason behind a desire will likely help you stay motivated.

You mention that the resolutions that stick for you are usually an accident. Is it possible that those resolutions were actually the most relevant and meaningful? That seems worth exploring.

Once you have your list of wants, set an intention. Here’s what that looks like for me. 

My current list of resolutions centers on my number-one core value, authenticity. Through personal therapy, I discovered that I’ve spent most of my life masking, being what other people want me to be. To help me focus my efforts, I chose a theme for the year: getting back to basics. In 2023, I’m taking the time to relearn my foundations. My resolutions will focus on building up my authentic self and will change and evolve throughout the year.

Imperfection iS perfect

The beautiful thing about resolutions is that they aren’t measured by the yardstick of perfection. Focus your desires on improvement, and that can show up in many ways. Small steps forward count as progress. Failure is an essential opportunity for growth because it gives us insight if we’re willing to explore our missteps. 

The “rules” surrounding resolutions aren’t real and can be changed to suit each individual. Once you’ve set your intention, if you notice the goals you’re working on no longer resonate with you, reevaluate and make new goals. Sticking with something that no longer serves you for the sake of longevity is its own kind of toxicity.

Expand your thinking

When making meaningful resolutions, consider outlining desires in each of the following areas: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Focus on things you can control.

For example, a physical-desire resolution might look like this: I want to be strong. Then add a why. For example,  because it will give me the ability and energy to participate in activities that bring me closer to friends, family, and members of my community. 

Journal your experiences

Sometimes it can help to work through any worries or hang-ups you have about “wanting” things. Don’t be afraid to record your experiences in a journal, think about why your desires are important to you and love yourself enough to want what you want. It can also be helpful to look back at your desires every year and record the kinds of progress you see. 

Notice this type of resolution is focused on creating an intentional lifestyle where you act with deliberate purpose. It removes the traditional, finite definition of success and allows for a more nuanced, realistic way to grow. Self-compassion is a vital part of the process. 

The goal with any resolution is progress, not perfection. Just keep going. You’ll get there.

Good luck! I’m rooting for you.

Meredith