I'm at a place in my life where I'm struggling to find my purpose. It feels like my days are consumed with tasks and keeping everything together, but nothing larger. I find myself seeking more meaning in my life, but I don't know where to begin, or if this is even a worthwhile thought. Should I just be content with where I am?

Dear friend,

Your question -- should I just be content with where I am? -- feels like not-the-real-question, but let’s start there anyway.

Sure, it’s a good + supportive thing to practice being content with where we are + what we have.  There’s a grounded + healthy power in being able to burrow + sink into one thing, one moment, to find the timeless depth + infinite possibility that’s available within it.  Presence, mindfulness, gratitude, and contentment are all skills we can build, and they’re super useful tools to have.

And we can do all of that while also following the sparks of our longing for a more meaningful thing at the same time.

Which is what I would recommend.

Because it’s not an either/or.

Seeking something larger + deeper + more alive doesn’t mean we’re ungrateful or not appreciating what we have now.  Our longing can coexist with our contentment.  Our desire for something more can flow together with the simple granularities of our daily lives.  We can be grounded, present, and well, even as we’re in conversation with desire for a deeper + bigger thing that we may not even have words for.  

So sure, continue to deepen + sharpen whatever practices support your ability to be satisfied, grounded, and present now.  Enjoy the good times, sink into moments of delight, and remember all the ways blessing touches your life. 

But know too that this isn’t the end of the story.  It’s simply one part.

Which brings me what I think your real questions are:

Should I give up on what my soul is longing for?  Would it be better to just push these thoughts + yearnings + questions away?  Is the “something larger” even possible for me?  Do I have what it takes to create more meaning + step into the larger thing pulling me forward?

These are harder questions than the one you asked, but my hunch is that they’re the real ones.  

And we only ever get anywhere by asking the real questions.

You say you’re “struggling to find your purpose,” so let’s talk about that.

I don’t know what it means to you, but my sense is that “purpose” is often understood as something external that’s assigned to us -- something we have to find + figure out -- and if we don’t: we’re failing, or even worse, wasting our lives. 

There’s also the ways capitalism has co-opted the word, convincing us that our “purpose” -- if we have one at all -- must be some grand thing that will make us money + be impressive to others.

So I don’t see “purpose” as an especially helpful concept or frame.

Still, I think your instinct is right.  I get your question + I get your longing + I think it’s really important to make room for both.

Because our souls were made for the “something larger.” 

Our hearts know that the magic is real and that we’re meant to participate in it.

So it’s okay (a good sign, even) that the collection of tasks + the “keeping everything together” doesn’t feel like enough.

Because we need the poetry, the mystery, and the awe.  We need creativity + connection.  We need spirit + magic + the More.

So yes, “seeking more” is a worthwhile endeavor.  But don’t take my word for it.  Ask your soul.  Ask your heart.  Ask your bones.

You already know the answer.

You say you don’t know where to begin.  

Begin with this. Begin by telling the truth about what you want + what scares you about that.

Tell the truth about what you feel + what you know in your heart + your bones + your body.  And tell the truth about what you don’t know.  Let that unknowing wrap itself around you + take you deeper.  

Longing can be a hard thing to make room for.  Because it often comes with the fear that what we long for isn’t possible for us.  So we push it away, pretend we don’t want it, or tell ourselves that we should just be content with where we are.  

But the task is to make room for the longing -- to practice being with it, even when we’re not quite sure where it’s leading or what it’s asking for.  To not rush ahead to “but how am I going to make this happen + what if I don’t?”   

Your desire for something larger + more meaningful may feel frightening -- like it might hurt you by getting your hopes up + setting you up for disappointment -- but if you want to take this journey, this is precisely the place to begin.

Because your desire is the life-force + animating energy of your quest.  It’s the energy pulling you forward into a new possibility.

Get to know it.  Listen + feel into it.  Let it help you. 

Let it guide you to the one right next thing at a time.

Because this journey is an unfolding + deepening that only ever happens one right next thing at a time.  One step leads to the next.  One decision opens up a whole other world of possibility that wasn’t available to you the moment before.

So practice sinking deeper into your longing, rather than pushing it away.  

Practice calling in support + asking for help (because you don’t have to do this alone).

Practice making room for whatever deeper thing is calling to you.

And practice trusting what’s alive inside of you + saying yes to that -- yes to yourself -- again + again. 

Much love,
Rae

You can connect with Rae + learn more about her work in the world here: raeserafinabarker.com