I have been so focused on the needs and wants of others, that I am now struggling to recognize my own. How do I begin to rediscover what I want, stay attuned to those wants, and make them a priority?

Dear friend,

We want to be available to those closest to us and to those who may need us. During the process of responding to others, our own needs can get lost. We can find ourselves asking – What about me? 

One way of getting back to ourselves is to get back to our core values. Our core values are the things that are most important to us. They represent what we cherish and what may be non-negotiable for us to realize our true selves. Core values can change over time, so we don’t want to assume what was most important to us 10 years ago is equally important today.

How can we check in on our core values now? A helpful exercise is to view an all-inclusive list of common values and select our top five. Another approach is to examine how we spend most of our time. This will give us a hint of what we care most about.

Once we have our list, we can ask the question – Am I currently honoring this value? If yes, we’re in good shape. If no (or not enough) we can then ask – What can I do to honor this value more? This is where we have to get honest with ourselves. Something may need to be taken off our plate, or we may need to delegate in order to prioritize what we are needing most right now.

Remember that putting yourself first based on your core values will only allow you to better support those you care about.

Karen M. Carlucci, LCSW, CPC

Psychotherapist and Coach