SUSTAINABLE PERFECTIONISM?

I've been a perfectionist and an overachiever my entire life. I’ve always gone above and beyond what's expected of me at jobs to prove my worth to myself and others. I put so much stock into my work performance that even the smallest mistake makes me question my value. I tend to excel at my jobs because of this pressure that I put on myself, but I also burn out, hard. I don't want to lose the part of me that puts a lot of care into everything I do, but how do I do so in a way that's sustainable?

Dear friend,

Have you ever watched a baby learn how to walk? It’s one of the most endearing things to observe. A baby will often slowly lift their bottom, straighten their legs, lift their midsection and then you see them wobble as they try to maintain balance before they plop on a dipper cushioned bottom. You’d think that would stop them from trying again but they are relentless. Learning how to walk takes weeks, even months but at no point does the baby seem to get frustrated with themselves. They are void of any judgment and full of joy in the act of doing.

Imagine observing that baby. I suspect you would never question a baby’s value when watching them plop on their bottom after losing their balance. You would most likely laugh and cheer them on. 

You were that baby once too and you did not expect perfection out of yourself - you learned it. From where or whom may be irrelevant or perhaps it’s something you may want to explore. Finding the source can be enlightening and freeing but for the purpose of this column, we will focus on your expectation of perfection and the act of doing.

You mention that you don’t want to lose the part of you that puts a lot of care into everything you do but there is a difference between putting a lot of care into your work and expecting it to be perfect. 

Perfectionism is nothing but a severe judgment of action, task, or behavior. It’s an expectation you set for yourself and sometimes for others to produce an outcome that you decided is ideal. Perfectionism lives in the future where it anxiously awaits judgment from you and others. It feels rigid and violent against the human spirit.

Putting care into your work is an act of being present with the task at hand. It’s careful, gentle, and open to the joy of doing. While it doesn’t guarantee error-free work, it does open you up to welcome the humanness of your being. 

So what would it feel like to let go of the judgmental self and approach your task whether at work or in your private life with the focus on the joy of doing?

What would it feel like to be your own cheerleader and trust that you are enough? 

Generally, as humans, we tend to struggle with duality but the truth is that you can excel at work and sometimes make a mistake too. Can you embrace that duality about yourself? 

Making a mistake for those who put care into their work will feel deeply uncomfortable but can you sit with that discomfort without judging it? 

Let’s start here, dear friend, and see how this feels. Write back to us so we can keep the conversation on perfectionism going.

♡

With Love,
Sylwia, Life Coach