I just got a job across the country and am preparing to move. I’m excited to make a fresh start but a little apprehensive about building a new social circle from scratch. I really want to have deep and meaningful relationships, but I’m not sure how to go about it. Do you have any ideas?

Making friends as an adult can seem like an ominous task. It's easy to meet people but finding a core group of confidants who have your back when the going gets tough is a challenge. In our post-pandemic-quarantine world, some people’s social skills are a little bit rusty. So, finding your new bestie may take time and effort, but try to be patient with the process. Your people are out there. Just keep looking.

Start by defining what a "deep and meaningful relationship" means to you. Finding something is hard if you don’t know what you’re looking for. Take a minute and write it out. I believe in being the type of friend I want to have, so my friendship wish list includes qualities I expect of myself and my inner circle. When doing this exercise, consider what you bring to the table.

For me, a meaningful friendship includes someone I can count on, who'll show up when we make plans, check on me when I'm down and out, and occasionally take the initiative to plan things. I'm looking for a friend who accepts me as I am and treats me with respect and compassion—someone who charges my battery instead of draining it. They'll listen when I need to talk and only offer solutions when necessary. I want someone who will thoughtfully challenge me when they think I'm wrong and help me see things from a different perspective. They'll make me feel brave, confident, and worth it. 

Any deep and lasting friendship requires dedication, intentionality, and self-reflection. Authenticity and vulnerability are key because genuine relationships can't be based on pretense. A solid sense of self and understanding of your core values is an excellent first step in creating the foundation of a deep relationship. Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead Hub offers some guidance and a list of values to help you begin your core-values journey.

Personally, discovering my core values has been incredibly empowering. My journey included several months of self-reflection, journaling, group therapy, and discussion. During that time, I discovered and named my values, which enabled me to follow my internal compass rather than others' expectations. In essence, I took my power back when I discovered my values.

When you know who you are, you will be a better member of the community because your perspective allows you to meet people where they are with compassion and kindness. Deep friendships have room for flaws. Knowing your values makes space for the human experience and removes threatening feelings surrounding imperfection and uncertainty. 

Finding your new tribe takes time, but the relationships we form and the communities we join are worth it because they give meaning to life. As you move forward with this adventure, be courageous, trust your heart, and remember love wins. 

Good luck! I’m rooting for you.

Meredith