FINDING MY VOICE

As someone who is a strong proponent of the power of women’s voices - I myself shut down and don’t say a thing when faced with personal situations in which I feel uncomfortable or disrespected. How do I learn to speak up for myself in these situations?  

Dear Friend,

I love the images in films when the female protagonist of the story finally gets fed up and speaks up. Once she does, it seems she has tapped into the source of power and courage to speak up for herself and she will never stay quiet again...ever! Doesn’t that sound lovely and inspiring? Except for most of us it isn’t that easy nor is it a real depiction of the truth. Speaking up for ourselves takes practice, intention and determination.

I’d like to begin by saying that sometimes not speaking up is the way to go. We all have a finite amount of energy and it’s worth assessing whether a particular situation or a person is worth your energy. Will you see them again? Do they matter in your life? Is the situation important or meaningful to you? One of my favorite quotes from Iyanla Vanzant is - “When you see crazy coming, cross the street.” Sometimes staying quiet is like “crossing the street” away from the crazy. You get to decide whether you want to engage or not.

You mention that you shut down when you are in a situation where you feel uncomfortable or disrespected. Based on the way you phrased your question, I have a hunch that you may be judging yourself for being a proponent of the power of women’s voices yet not being able to speak up for yourself. So I’d like for you to start by releasing that judgment and being kind to yourself. We are a product of so many different things - our experiences, families, society and so much more. Rather than judging yourself, pat yourself on the back for being able to recognize that something in your life wants to change. That small shift in your mindset will help you see yourself from an empowered perspective. 

Now onto speaking up. Making changes to our behavior doesn’t happen overnight. Rather it’s a series of tiny steps we take in the direction we wish to go. One way to steer in the direction of speaking up for yourself is to simply say what you are feeling in a particular moment. Next time someone is making you feel uncomfortable or disrespected, can you say out loud what you are feeling? You don’t have to address the person you are with, you can just speak it to the air around you. What would it look like if you said out loud - I am feeling very uncomfortable right now or I am feeling disrespected right now? Can you practice saying these words when you are by yourself? Can you practice saying them to your own reflection? Perhaps when you get comfortable saying it out loud to yourself, you will be more comfortable saying it when that other person is in your presence. 

Start here and let us know how that feels. Email us with your progress and we can continue the journey of speaking up for ourselves together.

Sylwia, Life Coach